Life: So far I have completed my first full week in new job, and actually have a weekend! This is going to take come getting used to; the last time I had a Mon-Fri job was 2 years ago and I hated it. I loved Fri evening and Sat but dreaded Sun because it meant I had to go back to work the next day, and work was an absolute stress-depression misery hole. So let's hope things will be much better this time around! Actually, another counter-argument to the Mon-Fri anxiety is that I hated my last job which was always included working at least Sat. Hell, we may even get time for trips and things. Wow.
The new job is going well. It's not exactly the dream career or most exciting thing in the world but that's fine by me! I just need somewhere I can get on and feel comfortable so I can heal a bit and feel more like me again. I'm learning a lot as I go and the thing at this stage is that you can easily compare your abilities over the past few days and see where you've got faster and more accurate. And so far I haven't upset anyone which is always a bonus!
We had a bit of a domestic problem at home which highlighted the pain of renting through an agency this week - the washing machine decided to die so we were stuck with piles of post-holiday laundry and no clean towels for a few days. A few arsey phone calls from Tom later and things were fixed, praise the Lord; I've never been so happy to have a functioning appliance! Before things were solved I'd resorted to buying a new set of pants (just in case I ran out) and a couple of new towels so I had something dry and clean(ish) to use. I know you are advised to wash towels before you use them and I can personally testify why - after using my new Wilkinsons black bath towel I was covered in dark fuzz. I looked like the hairy old man we saw on the beach in Abersoch.
This isn't him though his cross be bangin'.
So I look forward to a fluff-free washing experience in the next day or two. Simple joys etc.
Anyway, a theological debate raged in the flat this week too. (As did the bitching at each other for being messy/ rude/ stupid/ passive-aggressive but we'll leave that well alone.) I was trying to see if Tom could see any positivity to religion/ belief even as an atheist. The short answer was no, as simply he cannot believe in anything they believe in so cannot see their advantages because they believe in something that is not true. In his words "I'm right and they are wrong." I can't say I share or appreciate this statement but in Tom's eyes if you do not have his exact attitude (no God, no afterlife, no supernatural etc, only what we can see is real) then though he can appreciate you as a person, he cannot see any benefit to your beliefs, regardless of what they are.
This massively saddens me, because even if I did not share or even agree with someone's beliefs or stance on something, I would try to see what it was that attracted them to it and understand what they gain from it. In this world of 'choice' between ideas and ideology, a pick-and-mix attitude of whatever suits you, the idea that someone would believe in something requiring some faith would make sense to us to wonder what compelled them to it and the effect it has.
For someone to dismiss any facets or details of something purely because they cannot ever fully share the full idea of it seems not only negative, but unhelpful. It can also arguably be rude, in that to cut someone off before they can allow you to know why they think a certain way because you feel you are already right in yourself and therefore the other person is wrong isn't fair.
Not sure why I'm flogging this dead horse of an argument. I guess I just want someone else to have a more open mind, regardless of their beliefs.
Also I'm now on the third book in the Game Of Thrones series. They are pretty good!
3 comments:
"Not sure why I'm flogging this dead horse of an argument. I guess I just want someone else to have a more open mind, regardless of their beliefs."
Possibly because you're looking to commit yourselves together, maybe for a long time, you're looking to actually be heading in the same direction rather than going in opposite ways. The problem with accepting that there might be a God is that there is the tiniest possibility that one might be wrong, and worse than that. Flat denial in the face of any and evidence makes it much easier to believe one could turn and say to God in such a case "you were almighty - why didn't you PROVE you were real".
It also means that one's conscience need not be affected by any kind of faith-based illogicality or apparent contradiction. Evolution - no worries. Gay sex (or indeed any other kind) - fine. etc. And it means one can sit on a fence securely - human bottoms seemed shaped for stability on fences.
Thanks Toni. I guess it is the looming of the wedding (still no date or venue!) that is making me think more deeply about these differences.
With how Tom thinks can sometimes be a trial for me, who follows a set code and therefore has the guide for opinions. I think some people need to realise that just because you follow a faith it doesn't mean you cannot think for yourself or have your own opinions.
Worth thinking about then, since you are expecting to marry, is whether these differences are in fact long-term reconcilable? I'm not telling you what you should do in either direction, but you need to settle the issue for your own mind and conscience, particularly since you have likely crossed various lines already that you certainly once drew for yourself. And I suspect this is why you asked the final question of the post.
You do have a family example of just this situation. In terms of making such a relationship work you have a very good example, but at the same time that may also be what has helped you compromise on some of your beliefs in order to be where you are now.
Tom seems a genuinely nice guy, and at least he is principled and loves you.
Might be helpful for you to find a church in Chelty. Standing alone/at a distance as a Christian is never good. And that too is worth thinking about.
(((hug)))
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