Bloody hard work

Title sounds very British...

Relationships are exhausting. They are the fundamental connection all human beings make in life, in every way, but to sustain a good one you need to work hard. I think that is where people tend to struggle with each other.

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone where you have run out of things to say to each other? I think I've been in that situation a few times and it's not a comfortable one. Losing interest in someone can be heartbreaking when it is a very close relationship. 

The relationships where the love is life-long and unconditional (ie: family) I feel you can enjoy the silence when there are pauses in communication. But not everyone works like that. 

Friends and romantic relationships often require more effort. But is it always worth it?

There is much to be said about sharing ideas and interests with the one person you are close with; discussions, b

debates and decisions tend to be easier that way. So trying to bond with someone who finds the most boring crap totally fascinating, who disagrees with your views, and has different personality traits might be a bit too hard. Sure, the start might be fun and interesting, but once the novelty wears off will it work?

If it is worth it, then yes. But, sometimes we need to accept that if the future of a relationship is going in wildly different directions for the individuals then it may be kinder to end it before getting more tangled.

That's not to say we should just give up at the first hurdle and throw everything away. Relationships are about the special bond between 2 people; about caring and loving, about rowing and disagreeing, about reconciling and determination. And fun. There must always be some fun and laughter!

Future Ambitions vs Reality

Recently I've been thinking more about the future and what I may ultimately end up doing. It's easy to think that we'll each have an understanding of the things we aren't completely sure of now, as if all the learning and training we will have in life has suddenly clicked into place, and we are all completely confident and sure of everything, and life is sorted. But in all honesty I know it's not always like that.

There are some areas of knowledge that even after years of involvement in the world that I am still stumped on. Like maths; I studied maths in school for 11 years. I am still terrible at maths. Basic addition and subtraction takes me a while to figure out and even then I still need a calculator.

With my training still ongoing in my newish job I am constantly aware of the amount I still do not know and things do not always come naturally to me. Most of this will be experience and practice, which is fine. I'm sure I'll eventually get there. What preoccupies me more is how long I will have to do it.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad job! It's just that sometimes I look back on the fact that I started this same role at 16 part-time whilst at school. Had I not bothered with my A Levels or university then I would be in arguably a better position in terms of a career in the same field. This seems to be what one of my colleges who is close to my age has done; and now she is in a good position with her job and has unshakable knowledge and confidence.

However I also then force myself to look at things a little more realistically: I have worked in a supermarket, 3 opticians, a call centre, an admin office, and several different shops. I have completed 3 A Levels (and an AS Level too!) and a degree. The fact that I am not working in my dream career is a combination of factors revolving around the restrictions of the recession, laziness, and the fact I am still not too sure what my EXACT dream career is and how to (successfully) get into it...

... but also if I stay with Tom and he does get into the Forces, perhaps I won't have to worry about it at all. I can choose where and when to work at my own leisure if money is not a problem (the dream of part-time hours!) Perhaps then I can actually look into options of what I really want to do, and I'm not telling you what that is yet!

I may require some kind of careers guidance I guess.

What advice would I give to my past self?

Inspired by my friend Mel's blog, I got to wondering if I had a way of communicating back to various points of my life, what would I say to my younger self?

Early Teens: "Don't let the bastards get you down, why do you care what all the other people think? Be nice but don't bother with anyone who wastes your time, you're worth more than that. Learn to shrug stuff off; why should you get embarrassed by anything? Keep listening to the music you like; those bands will always be worth it and the stuff everyone thinks is cool will be forgotten in about 3 years.
You will one day have a boyfriend, drink alcohol, have cool friends and even drive a car, but just wait and be patient, they aren't the end of the world. Oh, and do what ever the hell you want with your hair and clothes, Mum can't stay mad forever about things like that!"

Mid-late teens: "You're going to go through crap you can't begin to imagine, and it's not your fault. But it's not anyone else's fault either, so don't treat people as if it is. Whatever has caused your misery can't be changed, but you can make the rest of your life a better time. Accept yourself for who you are; you are beautiful, creative, lovely, wonderful person who lights up so many people's lives though you might not know it. Also, check out Scrubs, turns out Peter was right! Get on with your driving test too.
"When the rest of the nightmare kicks off remember who you have around you. They're going to need you for support just as much as you need them. And sometimes unlikely and tight bonds can form between people, treasure that. The pain of loss gets easier with time."

Uni: "Stick to your principles, stick with the right people, don't copy what everyone else does just because it's the done thing. Have a drink, go out, have fun, but don't live the life they do. Pick who you live with carefully, it's much easier living with people who share your values and beliefs and aren't totally miserable cows. And don't slag off your lecturers.
"Look for a job before you graduate, it's much tougher than you'd imagine. Plan ahead and get yourself organised. And save your money!"

Post-uni: "You end up living with a guy called Tom who you're in love with and he makes you get lizards as pets. The phase doesn't pass; you get at least 3, but it's ok because you secretly love them to bits. Job hunting is really demoralising but don't give up hope, and try new things. But as soon as you know you can't seriously stay in the job just get yourself out of there; your health isn't worth it and few people enjoy call centre work."

Anyone with a bit more wisdom got any advice they can give me for now?