It's Sunday and we're back in Chelt after spending the weekend with my parents. I had the entire week booked as holiday months ago knowing it's Mum's birthday, but my sister decided to throw her a surprise party! We could only come down for a couple of days as Tom still needs his dressings to be changed by a nurse every other day or so.
Saturday we spend seeing my sister's new house (bought but not yet moved in, I'm told it can take a while due to lots of dull reasons) and then we secretly helped her set up. At her place she even painted my nails sparkly blue much to my delight! So pretty! We had a sneaky curry then headed back home to Mum to get ready for the 'meal' we'd told her had been arranged.
En route we 'found out' the table had been delayed, and "oh look Michelle is outside of this social club, so we should really have a quick drink in here!" and led Mum through the building to a room where we'd assembled about 40 guests for her surprise. Went off without a hitch, and she didn't suspect a thing! She was thoroughly chuffed and really enjoyed herself. It was a lovely evening catching up with a few family members I didn't really remember and some family friends I did. And we ended the night putting the helium in the balloons to good use!
Home now after a tense journey (I needed a wee for the best part of an hour whilst we were stuck behind a slow car and a lorry) and back to our own maturity zone - organising our dinner, feeding lizards (Chloe had been taking care of them in our absence)... It's strange but nice coming home to our own place and feeling like we're the adults instead of the kids. Also I never sleep well at M&D's though that has ALWAYS been the case, even when I lived there. Something odd about that house... I think I miss Cheltenham more than I realise when I'm away from it; Bicester doesn't hold many charms to draw us back and the friends I have here make this town more of a home to us.
Back to work Tuesday for a long stretch of either five or six days. Can't say I'm massively looking forward to it, but hopefully things will be busy and run smoothly.
Sunday 27 November 2011
Saturday 19 November 2011
Bad Taste...
Not too sure why, but had a Simply Red song stuck in my head earlier, and with the invention of YouTube I have progressed from playing that song to playing more of them.
I don't even like Simply Red. I think Mick Hucknell looks like a leather puppet.
Maybe this is a lesson in being too black/ white? You can still listen to a few songs even if it's for nostalgia rather than loving the band.
But I still don't like Green Day!!
I don't even like Simply Red. I think Mick Hucknell looks like a leather puppet.
Maybe this is a lesson in being too black/ white? You can still listen to a few songs even if it's for nostalgia rather than loving the band.
But I still don't like Green Day!!
Thursday 17 November 2011
Negative/ Positives of the year so far.
So as we are in November I look back and think, "What a crap year." [At least the Rapture missed us; I was worried it might ruin my birthday.]
OK, so not everything was horrific, but overall this year can be summed up in the following adjectives: difficult, stressful, frustrating, unfortunate. We have struggled with money, health, relationships and employment.
We started the year with me in a new job and Tom continuing in the same one; living in our still-new flat, with some ambitions and hope that with us both working full time we might be able to start having more of a life outside of having to wrestle to get anywhere.
Yeah, obviously that didn't quite work out. The taxman ruined me so for the first 5 months of the year I was only taking home a fraction of my wages; we gained and lost pets in different ways; we had to spend more time in hospitals and GP surgeries than I care to think about.
I had hoped to get round to sorting out driving but now with the car stolen (not sure if mentioned but someone towed our car and no-one knows who) and no spare cash the lessons and tests will have to wait again.
I haven't even had my hair cut since last year! But that's OK as I'm starting to like it a bit longer.
So yes, things have been supremely terrible. But the positives:
- This year Tom's lung condition was finally figured out and he has come through his operation
- Rusty is thriving (into a little bugger but you can't have everything) and Bruce is in a better place than the shop we got him from
- I still have my job
- My sister got engaged and is getting married next year
- We still have our flat and it is still our home for now
- I've read a lot more than I've managed in recent years
Right at this moment in time all I can do is try and stay positive. It's the hardest thing in the world and at times like this I have faith as I cannot possibly be coping all on my own. One thing I feel I have 'failed' this year is growing my faith, but even though some things feel distant I think the fact we carry on is God's doing more than our own.
OK, so not everything was horrific, but overall this year can be summed up in the following adjectives: difficult, stressful, frustrating, unfortunate. We have struggled with money, health, relationships and employment.
We started the year with me in a new job and Tom continuing in the same one; living in our still-new flat, with some ambitions and hope that with us both working full time we might be able to start having more of a life outside of having to wrestle to get anywhere.
Yeah, obviously that didn't quite work out. The taxman ruined me so for the first 5 months of the year I was only taking home a fraction of my wages; we gained and lost pets in different ways; we had to spend more time in hospitals and GP surgeries than I care to think about.
I support the concept of taxes but not the action of leaving me unable to pay even my rent and council tax. Bastards.
I had hoped to get round to sorting out driving but now with the car stolen (not sure if mentioned but someone towed our car and no-one knows who) and no spare cash the lessons and tests will have to wait again.
I haven't even had my hair cut since last year! But that's OK as I'm starting to like it a bit longer.
OK, maybe not too long...
So yes, things have been supremely terrible. But the positives:
- This year Tom's lung condition was finally figured out and he has come through his operation
- Rusty is thriving (into a little bugger but you can't have everything) and Bruce is in a better place than the shop we got him from
- I still have my job
- My sister got engaged and is getting married next year
- We still have our flat and it is still our home for now
- I've read a lot more than I've managed in recent years
Right at this moment in time all I can do is try and stay positive. It's the hardest thing in the world and at times like this I have faith as I cannot possibly be coping all on my own. One thing I feel I have 'failed' this year is growing my faith, but even though some things feel distant I think the fact we carry on is God's doing more than our own.
Friday 11 November 2011
Things I want to say (but perhaps don't)
It's not fair. Nothing is.
I deserve more than this. Why don't I get a better deal with life?
Why are businesses and societies and governments so obsessed with numbers? People are dying from starvation and abuse around the world and you are too busy dealing with some other kinds of drama you all created.
I love him like I've loved no other.
I wish I wasn't scared of everything. I wish I was stronger.
Some of the most important people in my life may not realise how much I value them. I hope they know I do, even if I lack the grace and co-ordination to express it properly.
No one did anything bad to me but the horrors of my childhood and teens can rear up at any time. It's no one's fault, but there is no guarantee I won't let the cycle repeat and that puts me off becoming a parent.
I think I'm ready for some change.
I don't want him to join the RAF. I don't want to lose him like that. But if he does join I'll support him every step of the way.
Friend, when did you forget about me? Was it my fault, or yours?
Don't leave me here alone.
Talk to me with some manners. I'm sure you learnt some at one point.
You are great in the mornings and I am not. If you won't be more accommodating to that fact then leave me alone and let me just get on with it.
I still miss little Douglas.
I deserve more than this. Why don't I get a better deal with life?
Why are businesses and societies and governments so obsessed with numbers? People are dying from starvation and abuse around the world and you are too busy dealing with some other kinds of drama you all created.
I love him like I've loved no other.
I wish I wasn't scared of everything. I wish I was stronger.
Some of the most important people in my life may not realise how much I value them. I hope they know I do, even if I lack the grace and co-ordination to express it properly.
No one did anything bad to me but the horrors of my childhood and teens can rear up at any time. It's no one's fault, but there is no guarantee I won't let the cycle repeat and that puts me off becoming a parent.
I think I'm ready for some change.
I don't want him to join the RAF. I don't want to lose him like that. But if he does join I'll support him every step of the way.
Friend, when did you forget about me? Was it my fault, or yours?
Don't leave me here alone.
Talk to me with some manners. I'm sure you learnt some at one point.
You are great in the mornings and I am not. If you won't be more accommodating to that fact then leave me alone and let me just get on with it.
I still miss little Douglas.
Monday 7 November 2011
Somehow encouraged, but life sucks
To have a recap of the current situation:
Tom had an operation last Saturday and is at home recovering. Through the recovery though is a lot of pain, discomfort, anxiety and frustration. At the moment his body is not working properly as it tries to right itself after a big interruption to the norm. Hopefully in a few weeks the pain will have eased off and most of the healing will have occurred. Obviously it may take months for him to regain his original level of fitness and strength but only waiting will make it happen.
Also he is looking for work but currently cannot attend any interviews until he is physically strong enough to get back on his feet and go out alone.
Due to all of this money is (as usual) very tight, with this month having some grace from family to help us cover all the bases. There's always some small financial thing that pops up we have forgotten about like a phone bill, so parents helping us is much appreciated.
Seems we're in the same situation as a lot of people; young, in the wrong work positions, low income, independently living a very non-extravagant lifestyle but the money just about covers things. This month I cannot afford to have any driving lessons, and with all the stress of the last few weeks I've barely speculated doing my theory. Lack of regularity with this sort of thing makes progress frustratingly slow and so I am struggling to see myself behind a wheel unsupervised in the realistic future. [Not that we have a car to drive any more.]
Yet somehow I cannot totally lose hope. There is a promise somewhere that things will improve. Things are tough everywhere at the moment in terms of economy and profession. I'm part of a qualified but inexperienced generation who grew up with big ideas and have had them squashed.
Forget the practical problems for a moment though; I know that one day things in all parts of our lives will be better. A lot better.
I have faith in that. But need the strength and patience to get to that point whenever it arrives.
Tom had an operation last Saturday and is at home recovering. Through the recovery though is a lot of pain, discomfort, anxiety and frustration. At the moment his body is not working properly as it tries to right itself after a big interruption to the norm. Hopefully in a few weeks the pain will have eased off and most of the healing will have occurred. Obviously it may take months for him to regain his original level of fitness and strength but only waiting will make it happen.
Actually a fairly accurate representation of the general mood right now.
Also he is looking for work but currently cannot attend any interviews until he is physically strong enough to get back on his feet and go out alone.
Due to all of this money is (as usual) very tight, with this month having some grace from family to help us cover all the bases. There's always some small financial thing that pops up we have forgotten about like a phone bill, so parents helping us is much appreciated.
Seems we're in the same situation as a lot of people; young, in the wrong work positions, low income, independently living a very non-extravagant lifestyle but the money just about covers things. This month I cannot afford to have any driving lessons, and with all the stress of the last few weeks I've barely speculated doing my theory. Lack of regularity with this sort of thing makes progress frustratingly slow and so I am struggling to see myself behind a wheel unsupervised in the realistic future. [Not that we have a car to drive any more.]
Yet somehow I cannot totally lose hope. There is a promise somewhere that things will improve. Things are tough everywhere at the moment in terms of economy and profession. I'm part of a qualified but inexperienced generation who grew up with big ideas and have had them squashed.
Forget the practical problems for a moment though; I know that one day things in all parts of our lives will be better. A lot better.
I have faith in that. But need the strength and patience to get to that point whenever it arrives.
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