In my little life I have gone through a few big changes in circumstances over the years. The obvious ones are moving through school to sixth form, to uni, to graduating. In this I've been in different places and, in the case of university, lived in a different town altogether.
What of the things we leave behind? [sidenote - I have really learned that your family are for life, what a miracle!]
My big regret is that during the early part of uni I did not take greater care to keep in touch with people back home. At the beginning I was a dreadful bore everytime I went back; I was all about uni and my life there. It was mostly the same for everyone who had gone the same direction (what a fascinating bunch new students must be) so trying to keep up with a place you aren't constantly being saturated in can be a struggle. I'm not excusing it but my halls of residence didn't have internet for 9 out of the 10 months, so social networks, blogs, etc were used less.
However that annoying phase of "centre of the universe-ity" did end and I tried to get back in touch with some of the friends from back home. Of course people don't tend to pause their lives waiting for you so things had changed and a few were in different places and, perhaps, not as contactable. I'd like to think any messages of mine that I never reciprocated were the result of a lapse of concentration, changing phone numbers, etc, not being shoved at the back of a mental friend-priority pile where I'd worn myself to the edge of their radar.
With the internet you can see when someone has been in touch, for example a Facebook wall post. If you can see it, then it's there, and so can everyone else. With that ease, why not bother to reply? Especially when the rest of your activities are available to see so you can't use the excuse of missing the message or not being online recently.
Now I am seeing some of the individuals who were arguably quite close to me before I left have another life. I have not been there to see all of their changes, to know what has been going on and to develop our relationships. I do have friends here, some great friends, but seeing as a lot were from uni and themselves have moved on with their lives too, it would be nice to think that I can again have some passionate, close, loving friends like I used to.
I sound ungrateful - I'm not. Individuals are individuals, but I guess I miss having the access to a group with a connection in the way I felt it as a teenager. What is missing from the present, I'm not sure. Likewise, maybe I just need to try a bit harder with the people around me now so I don't end up missing them in the same way.
And also I'm sure I'll have many new friends to meet in the future. I hope.
2 comments:
I have also moved from one town to another from school to college. Although I too lost touch with some great friends however living in the same town for 9 years I have gone through various circles of friends and now find myself in a ever decreasing circle of friends. I feel as you get older your priorities change as you mature and "find yourself"
True, I think you 'become yourself' more as you get older, as does everyone else. What a shame it is when you find two people have changed so much they struggle to be friends again.
I'm very different from 5 years ago, and no doubt in a few years I'll have changed a bit more. As I live with my partner, most of 'our' friends were his and they somewhat adopted me. Much as I love and appreciate them, there is that territorial worry of if the worst came to worst and we ever split up, I might find myself with not many friends.
I know it's not always that black and white in life, people are people, but I miss having the closeness of a group of mates like I had in sixth form and uni.
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